Chapter 6: The Internal Protector & PTSD


“If you’ve been through traumatic experiences that you would list under a “worst moment of my life” category, then you may believe that the mind and body are able to initiate a “preservation mode.” A moment when  your body fights for you, protects you and usually doesn’t allow you to remember the terrible memories happening at that moment. For me, I’ve become so familiar with the feeling I am able to identify the exact moment  I know I will no longer remember what happens after.

However, unlike many, instead of believing that the memory loss is a flawed, automatic response, I believe it is completely, entirely and strategically done with every intention to protect us. I believe we lose those awful memories because of the unfathomable, immeasurable amounts of energy our body is expending in just trying to release the emotions that are nearly consuming it; rage, fury, grief, pain, etc.  The body intentionally tells other, less important functions, to shut off; including memory in order to focus on getting those toxic levels of emotion out. 

It’s agreed that the body is truly, without question, a remarkable instrument. And I believe it’s smart enough to know, hey, you’re not gonna wanna remember this anyway, so let’s just turn that off too. It realizes that what’s most crucial in those life changing seconds is releasing the lethal levels of emotional chaos that are drowning it to death.

With this, I feel it would explain why a traumatic moment later becomes a diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. You’re body decided let’s remember this another time. And then, you do. Two, five, ten or twenty years later you’re body allows you to remember and brings those memories back to your awareness. This is obviously done through the use of many therapeutic strategies, but you come to find out those memories never left. They never faded. They never disappeared. They’ve been there all along. They’ve been waiting to come to the forefront of your mind and waiting for you to begin processing them.


It’s at the very moment when you allow them in and begin to digest them that they no longer have the same level of control over you; they’ve become weaker in a way. And they will continue to weaken the more and more you bring them to consciousness. This, begins your healing. This is how I have begun mine. 

By writing of my mother’s life long choices to stay with an evil man, my own traumatic experiences and the legal proceedings that continued with her abuser even long after she was gone, I ask that YOU beautiful lives no longer allow your trauma to control you any longer than they already have. Take your life back. Know that you have the power to grab your awful memories by the jugular, plop them down in front you and face them without fear. 

Now, although I have some psychology education, I’m no doctor nor any type of licensed official. I’m simply a person with a theory and a daughter of many terrible experiences I have beaten down to a mere flame.”